Good news everyone—the Big Z is back at ya with a brand-new article! As many of you have heard, candidates Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, in an effort to get more youth involvement in the election, have begun to reach out on Animal Crossing New Horizons, and I have something to say about it… typical liberal pandering! Everyone knows no real Americans play Animals Crossing. Caring about animals, the environment, being relaxed, CROSSING! That is everything Tucker Carlson terrified us into hating! So I have proposed an idea where God’s chosen president can counter this liberal conspiracy by reaching out to the youth and joining in on another popular game one where people just like him gather to speak and have fun the American way in an American game! The one that only the top tier of Americans play…. FORTNITE! Imagine the joy on their faces as their favorite president regales them with stories of how he beats the fake news all the time or how he has beaten “GINA” on every corner of the world.
In the year zero, after the death of our dearly beloved Christ, Earth had a modest population of roughly 190 million people. At the turn of the first millennia, the population had only increased by 60 million to about 250 million.
Whether referred to as the Spagelli School of Spaghetti, or the Bagelli School of Bagels, chances are you are probably familiar with Fordham’s Gabelli School of Business. Or maybe you are not (in which case you are probably better off). However, for those of you who are familiar with Gabelli, maybe even a Gabellian yourself, you still may stand to learn a few things from this exposé. I have undergone a covert investigation intended to uncover the true ins and outs of Fordham’s renowned business school. What I found will shock the laymen and perhaps even rattle the Gabellians.
No request is as dire as this: Please come to Brazil. For years, the citizens of Brazil have requested internet users to come visit their country. Brazil, the largest and arguably most powerful South American country, has developed an outreach program like no other in order to convince foreigners, especially musicians, to come visit the country. We, as American citizens, should oblige our Brazilian brothers and sisters and go to Brazil.
Uh these matter? by Destin Piagentini Staff Satirist Note: This article is completely satirical and…
In addressing our porous borders, President Trump, as well as many of our political epoch’s conservative luminaries, notably Tucker Carlson, remind us that this situation is not merely an issue of integration nor of national security. Here, in the age of Amazon and the Juul, immigrants integrate faster than ever, and terrorist attacks are more likely to come from native men who cannot get laid rather than from foreigners.
As its students know, Fordham’s Rose Hill campus boasts a multitude of landmarks and significant locations. From the courtyard next to Queen’s Court where Lana Del Rey was said to have composed some of her most famous songs to the tunnels beneath Eddie’s Parade, there is a great deal of history to be found on our 85-acre share of the Bronx.