Nerds Have a Stranglehold on Fordham

Finally, if all else fails, and nerds do escape from Queen’s Court, we would need to target their laptop computers in order to hinder their nerdy capabilities. Simple DDoS attacks would not suffice to disabling them, as they would certainly have retroactive cell-connection failsafes. No, we would need to brazenly hack past their firewalls into their computer’s mainframes. Initiating green code theta programs and binary distruports would ensure their software run time would lag behind ours. Ensuring that our hackers have accelerated net code will be the final nail in the coffin for those damn nerds.

Reviving the Dead: Why Everyone Should Study Latin

“You’re wasting your time.” These are the words I hear from my roommate every Monday and Thursday as I get ready to go to my Latin class. And every time she says these words I scream, “NO, I’M NOT.” While part of the reason I scream at her is that I am being defensive, the other reason for my screaming is simply because I believe that learning a dead language is useful. Yes, you read that right. Learning Latin is useful. Before all the modern language majors and minors storm at me in rage, let me explain to you why I think everyone should study Latin.

A 21st Century Modest Proposal

In addressing our porous borders, President Trump, as well as many of our political epoch’s conservative luminaries, notably Tucker Carlson, remind us that this situation is not merely an issue of integration nor of national security. Here, in the age of Amazon and the Juul, immigrants integrate faster than ever, and terrorist attacks are more likely to come from native men who cannot get laid rather than from foreigners.

Let’s get LITerate: Reflecting on a Book a Week

Between utilizing my every last brain cell to decipher Kantian philosophy and feverishly skimming outdated textbooks, I realized I had forgotten how to love reading. Just as the U.S. education system sucks the joy out of learning, forcing students to extrinsically memorize material over actually understanding it, reading became exhausting. In an effort to remind myself that reading isn’t a laborious task, but rather something to be enjoyed, I read a book per week this summer.