Vocalizing Your Needs

There you are, sprawled out on Mike from Finite Math’s twin bed. You never thought you’d get here. What began as an innocent invitation to study has become a hot and heavy sexual encounter. Mike is hot as hell, so let’s go full speed ahead. Plus, Mike insists he’s really good at giving head. Alright, let’s see what he’s got. Wait, no. That ain’t it. What the fuck is going on? Mike has no idea what he’s doing. What are you gonna do? Lay there and just wait it out? Pretend you’re into it? NO, you’re gonna show Mike who’s boss and tell him what to do.

Hey Professors, Stop Calling on Me

I’m trapped in Faculty Memorial Hall on a Thursday morning, shifting uncomfortably in my seat every two minutes, unable to stop thinking about breakfast sandwiches. I’m copying down the notes from the PowerPoint, tapping my pen against my chin, and drawing random lines in the margins of my notebook. The professor asks the class a question, and I do everything in my power to slip into the void to remain invisible. The lines in my notebook are suddenly the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen! But then, it happens. A giant spotlight shines down from above and hits me directly in the eye. There’s nowhere to run now. I’ve just been randomly called on even though I’ve done nothing to suggest that I want to answer this question.