McGinley Center About to Get a Lot More Awesome

Nothing elicits a “bruh” more than running into construction on one’s daily commute. Since the beginning of the school year, a flurry of heavy machinery, fluorescent vests, and fences have been all around Fordham University’s Rose Hill campus. Truly, chaos reigns supreme when it comes to McGinley center, Collins Hall, and Walsh Library, where construction workers mill about, the road can be blocked off, and all assortments of jackhammers and clanging can be heard.

Starbucks Will Destroy Earth

People are all too familiar with Starbucks, the largest coffee chain in the world. Wherever you are, there is bound to be a Starbucks nearby. And we are all addicted to it; whether it’s our daily coffee, a quick lunch that isn’t fast food, a frappuccino on a hot day, or you just crave a cup of tea or hot chocolate, you will most likely end up at Starbucks at least once during the week.

Come to Brazil

No request is as dire as this: Please come to Brazil. For years, the citizens of Brazil have requested internet users to come visit their country. Brazil, the largest and arguably most powerful South American country, has developed an outreach program like no other in order to convince foreigners, especially musicians, to come visit the country. We, as American citizens, should oblige our Brazilian brothers and sisters and go to Brazil.

Nerds Have a Stranglehold on Fordham

Finally, if all else fails, and nerds do escape from Queen’s Court, we would need to target their laptop computers in order to hinder their nerdy capabilities. Simple DDoS attacks would not suffice to disabling them, as they would certainly have retroactive cell-connection failsafes. No, we would need to brazenly hack past their firewalls into their computer’s mainframes. Initiating green code theta programs and binary distruports would ensure their software run time would lag behind ours. Ensuring that our hackers have accelerated net code will be the final nail in the coffin for those damn nerds.