Next Year’s News Predictions

January 2019:
*New Study Shows 80% of People Believe in Climate Change–Only 30% of People Care
*Jeff Bezos and Disney in Competition to Buy Everything Single Living and Non-Living Thing
*Nuclear Missiles Launched Into the Moon: War Ensues
*Elon Musk and Seth Rogen Invented New Strain of Weed: Weed Now Illegal in New York
*Dieters Lose Their Minds Avoiding Candy, Potato Chips, and Carbs

Are Aliens Real?

This year scientists took a break from debating the necessary qualifications Pluto must need to be a planet and gave their attention to a mysterious interstellar object that recently visited our solar system. In fact, just last week Harvard astronomers theorized that this cigar-shaped object could be an alien spacecraft or probe of some kind.

The Future of Tigers and Rhinos

The Chinese government has reversed a 25-year ban that will now allow for the use of tiger and rhino parts in medicine. The ban was established in 1993 as a way to protect the endangered tiger and rhino populations. In 2010, the World Federation of Chinese Medicine Societies outlawed the use of any parts from endangered species claiming that there was no evidence of medical gains from tiger bones or rhino horns. With only 30,000 rhinos and 3,900 tigers left in the wild, experts are worried that the demands for these animals will rise; this will make it harder to protect these animals from extinction.
The Chinese government claims that the use of the tigers and rhinos will solely be used for medical purposes by qualified doctors. The usage of these parts are restricted to those individuals who are in critical condition and may not have any other medical alternatives.

Donald Trump continues to normalize the absurd

On 26th September 2018 President Donald Trump held the fourth solo press conference of his presidency. President Trump most likely held this conference in order to fight back against his administration’s numerous scandals, as well as the incredibly controversial nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. The presser also took place only one day after Trump was laughed at while speaking at the United Nations General Assembly. This should have been a fairly straightforward speech by Trump. However, as with all things the President seems to be involved in, the conference quickly derailed and devolved into utter absurdity.

Saudi Arabia Bans Satire

This past week the public prosecutor of Saudi Arabia tweeted that “producing and distributing content that ridicules, mocks, provokes and disrupts public order, religious values and public morals through social media” will be punishable by up to five years in prison and an $800,000 fine.

A National Disgrace: Thoughts on Immigration Policies

Imagine you’re a refugee, or an immigrant, living in the United States. You work hard every day, delivering food so that you can make enough money to provide for your family, something I think most Americans can relate to. One day, you get a call to deliver food to a place you’ve gone to many times before. When you arrive however, they ask to see I.D. You can’t provide what they are asking for , you’re arrested.