By Kate Pozner
Staff MJ Groupie
When it comes to stopping an emotional breakdown in its tracks, look no further than “Blame It on the Boogie” by the Jackson 5. It’s the first song I force my robot slave, Alexa, to play in the morning and the last song I listen to at night. I listen to this song until I can’t even remember why I’m feeling sad. It is all I listen to. Last week, I slipped in the shower trying to dance myself out of a crisis. I’m fine, thanks for asking.
It’s an official, undisputed fact that a person is physically unable to experience sadness when listening to this song. The beat immediately transports you to a 70s disco where the boogie is the only thing that matters in the world. I challenge anyone to listen to this song and not shake their booty to the beat.
If you can look past those pesky child-molestation rumors that plague the lead singer, this is what we would call in the music business as a ‘perfect song’. Besides, this song was introduced into this universe before Michael even had an opportunity to diddle those kids so legally you can’t feel guilty for enjoying it.
If you are experiencing any of the following symptoms: depression over the fact that you were rejected from Columbia/NYU/Georgetown and now go to Fordham, panic from the wait times at Chopsticks, or fear about the fact that you live in the Bronx instead of the cushy New Jersey suburb in which you grew up, put it those air pods your parents bought you for Christmas and turn on Blame It on the Boogie.