the paper’s Guide to Illegal Streaming

We are the solution, not the problem.

By the paper staff

Do you ever feel like you’re being suffocated by streaming services? Like their cold, slimy, sharp hands are holding you down and making it impossible for you to escape their clutches? Like they’ve replaced your shoelaces with barbed wire and then tied your shoelaces together so that you trip, and then when you try to untie your shoelaces to be able to walk again your fingers get pricked? Like they’ve trapped you in a glass box with 500 hornets with one can of hornet spray, but there’s no hornet spray in the can and instead it’s tree sap which makes the hornets sexually aroused?

Us too.

Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if there were some way to stream all these shows and movies for free? To avoid paying $7 a month for Disney+? To stick it to the man? Luckily for us, there is. We asked our editors for their best tips and tricks for streaming the old-fashioned way: illegally. We proudly present the paper’s guide to illegal streaming.

Jack: The first step is to use Bing instead of Google. Yes, Bing still exists, and unlike Google it doesn’t filter out as many search results. For example, the first three results when you search “goodfellas full movie” on Bing are all from offshore streaming sites. The same search on Google yields the IMDb page for Goodfellas, followed by a Netflix and Amazon link. Also, if you search “reddit live tv streams”, you can find streams for any channel, any time. You’re welcome.

George: My tastes are much more sophisticated than my fellow staff at the paper. Being a connoisseur of exquisite anime, I use the online site http://www.9anime.to to catch up on most of my anime. This is a wonderful site because it doesn’t bombard you with ads for things that you really don’t wanna see. It’s great in that it typically streams anime through the paid streaming service Crunchyroll but makes it free to watch and free of ads (Crunchyroll will play ads in the middle of streaming). One issue I will state is that it will occasionally open a pop-up for when you’re trying to click a play button or another button that is a real button, but otherwise this site is great. Shoutout to the Kingdom of Tonga for having the internet domain .to, forever helping weebs get their anime fix before withdrawal kicks in.

Noah: If you wish to avoid fishy foreign websites, pornographic pop-up ads, dismal downloads, and general malaise, Dropbox via Reddit is a safe option. Simply type into your search engine “movie name free Reddit.” If you are lucky, a link to a Google Drive or Dropbox will appear with the movie file. Though this option is not available for most movies if you happen to have good fortune my technique generally provides a heightened level of cyber-safety and video quality. All of these techniques come with their own set of risks and drawbacks. There is simply no substitute for hard work and full payment.

Gabby: 123movies, guys. 123movies. Also, Putlocker.

Meredith: I’ve been scouring the web for years to find a way to access the sweet, sweet shows and movies I unfortunately miss because I refuse to watch cable or shell out for all of the streaming services. It’s Netflix’s fault, once they removed “Monk” from their library I had to turn to crime. But fortunately streaming has become its own worst enemy. The advent of Disney+ has caused circles I frequent online to start furiously sharing their favorite piracy websites, and now I shall share this boon with you. “gowatchseries.fm” has all the “Monk” you need, and more. I watched all of “Chernobyl” last week — do you think I’m spending money on HBO? I’d rather die! I don’t know if my computer has any viruses; definitely use this with adblocker and be quick to the draw. This is one of those sites that when you click on it, it opens a pop up before it does literally anything, so be ready to click that close button. For all the hoops you might have to jump through, it’s worth it.

Katelyn: Listen closely, if you have a Dell laptop, do not use couchtuner. You will get 700 viruses and get yelled at by your mom and end up crying in the middle of Best Buy. Just don’t do it. I’m sorry, mom. I just wanted to watch “Downton Abbey” without paying for Amazon Prime. Sue me.

Zahir: Get lots of ad blockers and use incognito windows, those porn sites will not stop sending you messages and your mom will start asking questions, and your grandma
will ask what those two boys are doing on the computer and you will have to give the talk to your cousin and worst of all, your dad will be the least mad and that’s kinda scary.

 

Image Source: meme.xyz

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