Why You Should Date Me

Are you looking for a Fordham companion? Keep reading…

By Anonymous

Staff Bachelorette

It’s unofficially #cuffingszn… the time of year when it’s almost Christmas so everyone is their best selves: merry and bright. Plus the weather is cold. The combination of cold weather and warm hearts makes people think they want to start dating someone. If you find yourself suffering from this strange desire too, but you’re struggling to find that one perfect person, consider this an official application.

The first reason that came to mind when I was thinking of why you should date me is that I have way too many sweaters, shirts, or hoodies that are only fluffy, soft, and warm on the outside, Not on the inside! I don’t know why they make these, and I don’t know why I buy them, but it seems like such a waste that I have this extremely fluffy exterior, and NO ONE is taking advantage of it. Let me paint you a picture. If we were “Netflix and Chilling”, it would very quickly become “Netflix and No Longer Chilling” because my apparel of would be able to serve multiple purposes for you: a blanket, a pet, a pillow, or whatever you need in these cold cold cuffing szn months in dorm rooms with terrible heat regulation. I’m just saying. It is the first of many things to consider. And if that interests you, do keep reading.

You might have already assumed this, but I have a Netflix account.

I also have a Spotify Premium, and Amazon Prime, and I’m working on getting Disney Plus. (Just some perks that come with dating me.)

P.S. – If you have too many sweatshirts and are looking for a good home for them… I also have too many sweatshirts so we can help each other find a good home together.
I can also sing almost any song on the spot based on a conversation we are having. If you are talking about “some people,” get ready for my interrupting rendition of “If I Ain’t Got You”. This talent of mine makes walking around campus in the cold enjoyable. Disclaimer: I did not add any positive modifiers to the verb “sing”. Because I just sing. Sometimes I hit the notes exceptionally well, like you may actually be pleasantly surprised, but other times I sound like a mediocre drunk karaoke singer at best. I take requests and I can also make up parodies to reflect a situation we are going through. If you like songs about us eating waffles in the caf to the tune of “pumped up kicks,” I’m the one for you! I just want to be a part of the soundtrack to your life.

I don’t know about you, but I take my snapchat streaks very seriously. If you are lucky enough to have a streak with me, I will not break it, even if we break up. So, if you’re looking for a 22,000 day streak by the time we’re 80ish. That is #goals.
I am also a text emphasizer, liker, lover; I also tend to love, like and emphasize my own texts. I am a gif enthusiast and a firm believer in their power over words. Sometimes my only response will be me liking your message coupled with a gif of some random child dancing. So, I am a good communicator, obviously.

I like going out and I like staying in. I’m not the best decision maker so whatever you want to do is probably what we will end up doing, and I am perfectly fine with that.
If you’ve always wanted to have a cat or dog in college but were either allergic or it didn’t seem practical, I have some good news for you. My hair gets everywhere and I love laying on humans too so you would basically be getting the same experience.

Another advantage of dating me is that I not only have a freezer, but I also always have ice cream in my freezer. If you have ice cream but no freezer, I got you. If you have a freezer but no ice cream, I got you, too.

What makes me stand out at Fordham? Hmm… well, I do not have a significant other at home. So.

There is a high probability that you are taller than me. I never eat both halves of my sandwich. I laugh at my own jokes which takes the pressure off of you. I make a big deal out of birthdays (mine and yours) so you will never have to worry about forgetting when mine (or yours) is. I’ll take a lottttt of pictures, of food before and after we’ve eaten it all, of you looking cute, of me looking cute or… not cute, and I will send them all to you.
Lastly, if you date me… you will know who wrote this.

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