I Have A Hydroflask, I’m Not a VSCO Girl, Yes We Exist

It wasn’t supposed to be this way…

by Erin Stehler

Staff Thirst Quencher

All I wanted was a water bottle to keep my beverages hot or cold for an extended period of time. At what cost? I take sip only to hear a chorus of sksksk from my roommates and acquaintances. I did not ask for this. I just wanted water. I am sick of being shamed simply for having the water bottle of VSCO girls. I have never made a friendship bracelet on it. In all seriousness, I actually now have a second water bottle for when I leave the room because I don’t want to be THAT girl. Why have we created this environment for ourselves? I don’t understand the big deal surrounding this specific water bottle. 

It’s a great water bottle. Every day I fill it up, and if I don’t drink it all, it is still cold in two days. Your Swell can’t do that. Plus it holds more water than most water bottles, so at any given time I am probably more hydrated than you. Is that what makes a VSCO girl? Hydration? Sign me up. All I want is to hydrate freely without the judgement of strangers on campus. I cannot be the only one who thinks its weird to harass people about the type of water bottle they use. That said, I understand making fun of their friendship bracelets because that shit’s weird. But a water bottle is just a container. They’re all roughly the same, and we all use them. The only difference is the brand and that mine is probably better than yours. These water bottle elitists can get out of here with their opinions and technicalities. Us non-VSCO-girl hydroflask users need to stand together. We did not spend $39.95 to be pushed into the shadows or publicly shamed. I have never owned a shell necklace and I refuse to be compared to someone who does. 

I’m just out here trying to discern what does and does not make a VSCO girl, a VSCO girl. The lines seem unclear and I’m here to learn so that you don’t have to. First of all, I am unclear whether stickers on the water bottle increase or decrease the level of VSCO. I’ve gotten mixed reviews on this subject. On that note, if stickers on a water bottle are VSCO girl fuel, somebody let me know whether or not I also need to remove my laptop stickers. I think I’m safe because I stay away from pastel colors and don’t have any that say anything about good vibes or the importance of coffee. I would ask my roommates but I’m almost certain one of them has a “life happens, coffee helps” sticker, and I’m afraid I would have to disassociate immediately to uphold my status. Please let me know. I’m just a confused girl lost in a VSCO world. 

I have been doing some in-depth Urban Dictionary research on this topic. To further separate myself from the true VSCO girls, here are some other things that VSCO girls reportedly have that I do not have. One of those terribly overpriced square backpacks, for example. Those don’t look like they could fit a notebook or laptop in them, so I choose to believe they’re filled to the brim with an assortment of friendship bracelets and scrunchies. I don’t understand where this surplus of bracelets is going because I refuse to believe anybody has that many friends. Also, apparently VSCO girls drive Jeeps. I drive a Corolla, so there’s that. To be honest, I did wear scrunchies at the end of high school when they were still trendy, but my scrunchie days never overlapped with my hydroflask days, so I think it’s fine. While I’m on this tangent, another thing I’m mad about is wearing long shirts as dresses. VSCO girls ruined it for everybody. Why did we have to take that away from ourselves? They should take one for the team and wear things that nobody wants anyways. Pocketless jeans? Throw ‘em to the VSCO girls. I’m fine without wearing t-shirt dresses; it’s just that we have so few comfortable clothing options to begin with. All I’m saying is if we coordinate with the VSCO girls, we might get a better deal. I don’t know why we feel the need to deny ourselves of comfort just because a girl in a choker did it first. That said, I’m much braver in writing and will almost definitely give in to the pressure.

Am I a VSCO girl? I’m undecided and still don’t think I fully understand the concept. I can’t actually figure out why these girls relate to VSCO at all. Am I willing to sacrifice my dignity to drink water in public? Probably not. Anyways, I hope anyone who joined me on this journey feels more enlightened on the enigma that is the VSCO girl.


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