by the paper staff
It’s been an interesting time at Fordham recently. Fordham made a surprise appearance at Michael Cohen’s congressional testimony and his letter to Fr. McShane launched some pretty good memes. The police chase on Fordham’s campus and the 20 bags of heroin made for an interesting time. That video of the guy being arrested in front of a tour group is my personal Zapruder film. Oh, and so Barnyard BBQ might finally open? Brett was there on Saturday and gave it a 10/10. Our favorite advice columnists are back giving advice to the less fortunate, so count your blessings this week.
Q: What was your favorite Fordham-related event of the past week?
Brett: That police chase on campus was dope, man, literally (because they were caught with 20 bags of heroin, get it?). I’m glad we have the fence to protect us. Spicy take here, but I would be concerned about my safety on campus without it. Public Safety sent out that text “NYPD has apprehended all males” and I got nervous for a second and then I realized I wasn’t apprehended and even if I was I would just tell them who my father was.
Bryttneigh: Not a lot of people here know this, but I went to school with Michael Cohen’s daughter and she was like one of my second-tier best friends. One time, I got really sloshed at after-prom and needed a ride back home after my boyfriend at the time was being a total dick and not letting me hit his Juul again. I called Mr. Cohen at 3am and he was picked me up like a half-hour later, better than Uber. He’s also the reason I’m at Fordham. He told me his boss “truly enjoyed his two years at Fordham and has great respect for the University.”
Q: What are your spring break plans?
Brett: I’m gonna do a little promo here for a minute. I’m doing Spring Break in PCB (for the unfortunate, that’s Panama City Beach) to shoot a music video for my debut as rapper Foggy B. I used my father’s credit card to book the cast of Floribama Shore for the video. He won’t even notice and he never came to any of my lacrosse games. Stay tuned for my SoundCloud, BX all day.
Bryttneigh: I’m going to Cancun, for like the fourth time. My parents thinks it’s important that I immerse myself in other cultures, but I’m worried about the national emergency. I never leave the resort. We always pass those poor locals on the way from the airport and it makes me sad. But, then I drink a margarita and I forget about all that mess. Why can’t they just live in the resort? Or better yet build their own? Guys, I think I just like solved world poverty. Does anyone know if Pope Francis’s DMs are open?