Savior Complexes abound at local bar
by Erin Kirkpatrick
Staff Single Girl
Nice guys don’t finish last, but they do get in the way of my life. As an 18-year-old single girl, I have made quite a few mistakes in love. It would be much more uncommon if I hadn’t, and everyone should know that freshman year of college is not the best place for relationships other than friendship. My problem, however, is not with the overly masculine boys hanging around Goose on Fridays nights looking for someone to have fun with, but the overly masculine boys who think it’s their business to save girls from themselves.
It is true that there are many douchey freshman boys at Fordham University, but something what is seldom talked about is the opposite group of boys who, despite the aforementioned group do everything in their power to appear like the complete opposite. Obviously I don’t have a problem with the “nice boys” who think they “finish last,” but I do have a problem with the obvious hypocrisy of them thinking that it’s their job to keep girls safe, because sometimes their version of safe is not ours.
This leads me to the aptly named “savior complex,” sometimes referred to as a “messiah complex.” I’ve had way too much experience with men of this sort. In some cases it would be my ex-boyfriend mansplaining the world to me and believing he was granting me the keys to the good life, or his best friend who was dating the biggest mess of a girl I’d ever seen, who believed that spending all of his time with her was the only thing saving her from her depression. When she’d make a scene or faint at parties for this reason or that, he’d be right by her side for hours helping her through it. While he was doing what he thought was morally correct, it was obvious he got something way deeper out of it. He felt like a savior, the most noble of men, someone that deserved love and respect from everyone around him for doing such a selfless, thankless task.
People with a savior complex don’t see any problem with stepping in on situations that they think they can affect positively. The problem with this is they either help someone who actually can’t help themselves, who will then never learn to take care of themselves, or they try to help someone like my friends and I who do not appreciate help, nor want their seemingly morally correct influences. While everyone likes feeling protected, sometimes people like to make mistakes, especially when it comes to romantic entanglements of the freshman year variety.
The point I am trying to make is that girls don’t need their male friends to act like older brothers. Especially considering all of the older brothers I know fully respect the poor decisions there sisters make and see no problem with fucking up in college, as college is the single best time to fuck up.
So, if you see a girl kissing the boy with a girlfriend from back home, know that they probably don’t care. They don’t need to be protected from him, as they have the ability to understand that kissing does not mean romantic interest. She also knows that he is the only one doing something wrong, as she has not promised anyone monogamy. And even more important than that, if she wants to kiss the boy please, please do not cock block her in the name of “protection.”
So, if you see a girl talking to the boy who’s been talking to all the other girls in the grade, you don’t need to remind her that he’s douchey and try to talk her into moving away from him, she probably knows. She’s not blind. And maybe, just maybe, she knows how to make decisions for herself.
So, if you see that a girl and her friends are drunk and having a good time, don’t “watch over them” for the night. Can you imagine a group of drunk girlfriends being tasked to watch over a handful of equally drunk boys? No. The same rule applies.
Maybe there are some girls who actually do need intervention and that’s what I’m missing here, but all I’m saying is that I promise you most adults are responsible enough to make decisions for themselves. Watching out for your friends is always good, but getting in the way or judging your girlfriends for doing things that guys do all the time is obviously incorrect. Being the hero may be fun, but if it gets in the way of clear choices being made by someone else, your savior complex is becoming a problem. So guys, respect the fact that girls can make bad choices too, please.