Come to Brazil

For the love of God, George is begging you to come to Brazil

by George Kite

Staff Blue Macaw

No request is as dire as this: Please come to Brazil. For years, the citizens of Brazil have requested internet users to come visit their country. Brazil, the largest and arguably most powerful South American country, has developed an outreach program like no other in order to convince foreigners, especially musicians, to come visit the country. We, as American citizens, should oblige our Brazilian brothers and sisters and go to Brazil.
The outreach program, which is referred to as the “Come to Brazil” program, consists of Brazilian natives commenting on every possible social media platform the phrase “Come to Brazil”, or “Please come to Brazil”. The Twitter comments on nearly every major celebrity’s Tweet will for sure include a plea to go visit and perform in Brazil. Numerous musicians, such as Justin Bieber, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Michael Jackson, and Nickelback have been asked to go to Brazil.

Now, you may think, “Why would I ever want to go to Brazil?”, when the question you should be asking is, “When can I go to Brazil?” Indeed, one needs only to book a flight to Brazil to visit it. Or, if you are afraid of flying, you could take a boat. Or drive. Or take a train. It doesn’t matter what mode you transport you take, you just need to come to Brazil.

Indeed, not only should you come to Brazil because Brazilians are asking you, but because science compels you. Research at the MIT Institute of Brazil have determined that everyone needs to “Come to Brazil”. New documents uncovered in Stephen Hawking’s research have led scientists to discover that at the center of every black hole is Brazil. Bill Nye the Science Guy has retracted his statements on geography, saying that, “The only place on earth you need to know is Brazil.”

Even history has shown us that we need to come to Brazil. Thomas Jefferson famously wrote in very, very tiny print in the Constitution underneath the Bill of Rights the phrase “Come to Brazil”. Julius Caesar, returning to Rome after his conquest of Gaul, famously said, “I came, I saw, Come to Brazil”. Thomas Edison actually invented the lightbulb in order to ensure that people could travel to Brazil during the nighttime, as he himself wanted to go to Brazil but couldn’t because it was too dark outside. Dom Pedro II, Emperor of Brazil and the most beloved leader of Brazil, famously decreed in the Brazilian constitution “Come to Brazil”.

More so, there are dire consequences if we do not go to Brazil. In ancient Mayan calendars, strange icons depict fire descending from the sky and the earth breaking open with the phrase underneath, “The world if you don’t come to Brazil”. It’s calculated that for every person that doesn’t come to Brazil, we get 1 year further away from curing cancer. Some even say that society itself will breakdown if we don’t go to Brazil.
Yet, the final and most important reason you should go to Brazil is because the people of Brazil are asking you nicely. Sure, you could choose not to go to Brazil, but think for a moment about the 210 million people you’re disappointing. They sincerely want you to go to Brazil; they aren’t just saying that for nothing.

So, when you’re on the beautiful beaches of Rio de Janeiro, enjoying the nature of the Amazon rainforest, or simply getting to know the people and culture of Brazil, you will think back on the day when you finally decided to come to Brazil, and you will wish that you had come sooner. So, please come to Brazil.

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