You’re Fired!: Tillerson Out as Secretary of State

The latest casualty of Trump’s March Madness was fired while on the toilet

by Christian Decker

News Editor

At what seems to be a daily occurrence at this point the White House is involved in yet another controversy. Secretary of State Rex “Every Evil Oil Baron in Western Movies” Tillerson was fired by President Trump. According to sources, Tillerson didn’t even know he was fired until the President, in his infinite wisdom, tweeted about the firing. According to this tweet, CIA Director Mike “I Get Off to Torture” Pompeo, would be Trump’s choice for Secretary of State with Gina Haspel becoming the new director of the CIA, the first woman to do so. Here’s the full tweet: “Mike Pompeo, Director of the CIA, will become our new Secretary of State. He will do a fantastic job! Thank you to Rex Tillerson for his service! Gina Haspel will become the new Director of the CIA, and the first woman so chosen. Congratulations to all!”
This hiring and firing comes on the eve on the President’s meeting with the North Korean dictator Kim” I Can Violate More Human Rights Than My Dad” Jong Un. This has raised some eyebrows because it is crucial that you have a good representative at this meeting to ensure that things go smoothly. Having a former CIA director as the face of the U.S. foreign policy might not send a great message to the North Korean government. Furthermore, Mike Pompeo is also a proponent of waterboarding and other torture techniques used at prisons such as Guantanamo Bay on terrorists or suspected terrorists. Sending someone who likes torture could also send a red flag along with him.
Apparently, Trump thought this was the right time to fire Tillerson as illustrated from this quote from CNN: “Trump “thought it was the right time for the transition with the upcoming North Korea talks and various trade negotiations,” a senior administration official said, adding that Trump asked Tillerson to step aside on Friday. A senior White House official later clarified that chief of staff John Kelly told Tillerson that he would be replaced but did not specify the timing.”
This comes at an apparent stretch of long disagreements between Tillerson and the President, with Trump citing the Iran Nuclear deal as an example. This firing also comes off the back of comments Tillerson made about the death of a former spy dying. Tillerson inferred that the Russian poisoned this spy. Surprisingly, the firing occurred just a day after these comments were made, according to sources surrounding the White House. And of course, who could forget when it was reported that Tillerson had allegedly called the President a “moron” behind closed doors. The media sure had fun with that one.
According to CNN, Tillerson had never really seen eye to eye on any issues in the first place. He also didn’t have many allies in the White House except for possibly Chief of Staff John “What Sexual Misconduct?” Kelly and Jim “Stop Calling Me Mad Dog” Mattis. It was rumored that the three had formed a “suicide pact” in which if one of them was fired, then the other two would quit on the spot. It seems that this is not the case however. Trump felt that Tillerson and himself “did not see eye to eye” on most issues.

It was also reported that Tillerson did not agree with Trump on anything and wanted to do things his own way, according to CNN. “I have a lot of confidence in my ability to create the conditions for successful negotiations between two very disparate parties,” Tillerson said, adding that he and others were working to prepare Trump to deal with Kim. “But I’m not the only guy working on this. Others are working on this as well. We have an obligation to prepare the President for that meeting and I think there is some ground work we can do ahead of that that will help with that preparation.”, quoted from CNN. It has also been seen that the biggest reason for Tillerson’s departure is the North Korea situation, Unsurprisingly, the President and the Secretary of State did not agree on a proper method of dealing with the North Koreans. The President felt that Tillerson hasn’t been strong enough with Kim Jong Un and hopes to have a “strong team” ready for when the meeting in May arrives.
Trump has reportedly had a better working relationship with Mike Pompeo, and reportedly has wanted him in the position for months. Supposedly they are “on the same wavelength on many issues.” Presumably, these issues include how to approach North Korean and Kim Jong Un as well as how the country should handle terrorism and well as interrogation tactics.
Although it seems that the timing for this firing is bad, it looks like Tillerson’s tenure as Secretary of State is not going to be missed. Reportedly, experts on both sides of the aisle criticized his State Department as underperforming. According to CNN, “Tillerson’s cost cutting has led to the agency’s senior tiers “being depleted at a dizzying speed,” and “a decapitation of its leadership ranks,” Amb. Barbara Stephenson, president of the American Foreign Service Association (AFSA), a union for US foreign service personnel, wrote in her group’s publication. “There is simply no denying the warning signs that point to mounting threats to our institution — and to the global leadership that depends on us,” Stephenson wrote.
While the ousting of a Secretary of State seems like a big deal, it is only one of a string of resignations and replacements that have been going on at the White House recently. It also brings into question of whether Education Secretary Betsy “The Principal You Hated in High School” DeVos is competent enough to continue working. These questions come after a disastrous interview in which she could not answer basic questions about the education system. Only time will tell what is next for this White House.

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