Dear Fordham, Why?
by Mary Freeze
The other day, I walked into my 8:30 class on a cloudy Febraury morning just to be greeted by a sea of Fordham students wearing baseball hats. I realized that very few things make angrier than people wearing baseball hats for no reason. Other things that top the list are juuling, people saying hi to me when I am clearly trying to ignore them, and when people put on “All I Want for Christmas Is You” at bars when it is obviously not Christmas time.
Baseball hats are just one thing that I will never understand. Students at Fordham wear baseball hats of all kinds, representing not only Fordham but also other random colleges that no one has ever heard of, professional sports teams (or high school sports teams), and places that they have visited. Wearing a baseball hat as a fashion statement is not limited to one gender, as both men and women on campus proudly wear their hats to, from, and in class regardless of whether or not it is sunny, which is the only time that a baseball hat is really needed.
Now, I am not saying that I have never worn a baseball hat in my life, because I have. My skin is essentially translucent, and you will never catch me at a beach without a hat on to protect my extremely fair skin. However, I believe that it is only acceptable to wear baseball hats when in the sun, because if you are not wearing it in the sun, then why are you wearing a baseball hat at all? Another acceptable time to wear a baseball hat is in the gym and/or running outside. I understand not wanting someone to see you while doing those activities, but I have also seen people wearing backwards baseball hats in the gym. I just have one question for those people: Why are you the way you are? What purpose is that hat serving? I have wondered why people wear baseball hats incessantly since I have started college. Why do people not take their hats off in class? Do you not find it distracting to have something covering your face for an hour and fifteen minutes, or possibly longer? Are you trying to hide your face for a specific reason? Is your hat a key part of your outfit? I have never looked at someone and thought to myself “Wow, that outfit would really be made better with a baseball hat.” Is your hair just greasy? If your hair truly is greasy, why don’t you just use some dry shampoo? Or if you have short hair, why don’t you just wash it?
To uncover the answer to these questions, I have asked some people I see around campus who are faithful baseball hat wearers their opinions. One person, a male, said “Whenever I have an 8:30 my hair is messed up. I only wear baseball hats when going to 8:30s because I don’t want people to see my hair.” A female had a similar response: “I usually wear baseball hats because my hair is greasy, or if I just don’t feel like doing it. Also, sometimes it just makes my outfit look cuter.” A third student said that he never thought about why he wore baseball hats, he just put it on in the morning without even thinking about it.
Since when did rounded baseball hats become cool again? I specifically remember a time in elementary school circa 2007-2008 when the only cool hat to wear was a flat baseball hat, and if you wore any different kind of hat, you were a loser. Bonus points were added to your clout level if your hat was slightly turned to the side. This could possibly have been aided by Justin Bieber and his fashion choices, as he was a snapback hat fanatic, but just as the world has moved on from Justin Bieber, it is time for us to move on from baseball hats.
Now, I know that this article will definitely convince many people to change their ways and stop wearing baseball hats, and they may feel sad that they now have to wear one less article of clothing. Fear not, because I have composed a list of some superior alternatives to wearing baseball hats.
1) Kentucky derby type hats (geared toward females)
I think that the world would be a much more fun place if we adapted wearing unnecessarily huge, fancy hats into our everyday attire. Can you imagine what campus would look like if every person who wore a baseball hat instead wore a hat similar to the ones that those rich old women wore at the Kentucky Derby? Fordham would definitely be a more colorful place.
2) Top Hats
Everyone would look like the monopoly man. It would be so much fun.
3) Basically everything but cowboy hats and baseball hats.
I understand to each his own, and I am in no positon to dictate to other people how they should dress, but I hope that wearing baseball hats is just a passing trend, and at some point, we will all marvel at some new form of head attire. Until then, I will continue to be angry about the unnecessary wearing of baseball hats. However, if wearing a baseball hat truly brings a person joy, then wear on. More power to you.