Kylie Jenner Just Had a Baby. No Joke.

She seriously was pregnant this whole time.

by Claire Nunez

Editor-in-Chief

Yeah, so for all you not-so-but-still-kinda Kardashian fans out there, Kylie Jenner was in fact pregnant this whole time.  She hecking had her and Travis Scott’s 8 pound, 9 ounce baby on February 1, and posted the most extra video about it. Kylie has literally been out of the limelight for nine months.  I am shook.  The world speculated and poked and prodded, but our girl, Kylie did not break until her water did.

My question is: how did she keep it a secret?

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A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

The Kardashian family is one of the most watched groups of celebrities (in my eyes at least).  Literally, people take their pictures when they are just walking or driving.  Breaking Kardashian news is when they decide to eat a different kind of lettuce.  How did Kylie prevent the entire world from figuring out that she was carrying a huge-ass baby?  Did she just not leave her house for nine months? I mean, apparently not– her reveal video showed her doing stuff and like posing with rocks in the desert.

I am also like, wow her staff is dedicated for not revealing all of this for this long, but I am still skeptical. Like, how did staff at the doctor’s office not spill? How did no one see her going through the drive-through in her video? Why is the Kardashian family growing exponentially as of recent?

I think maybe she moved planets for a bit or something.  I am going to just guess that she moved to the other side of the moon and hid herself there in a giant mansion with her baby daddy for a while.  I just don’t have enough faith in humanity to say everyone involved would not sell-out for some paparazzi cash.  Now that I am thinking about it, people are actually incredible for respecting her privacy.  Wow, nice.  I never thought that the Kardashians would give me some faith in humanity.

Well, the paper wants to hear your conspiracy theories on how Kylie hid her pregnancy from the world– the best one will be featured on our Facebook and Twitter accounts– DM us or email us at paper.fordham@gmail.com!

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