Heck, You’re All Winners: Horoscopes Week of 1/29

Yeah, The Grammys happened last night.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You didn’t show up to the party, so you didn’t win anything.  What the heck, dude? You also lost out on a ton of publicity. RIP you, man.

Your Grammy Twin:

Justin Timberlake (January 31, 1981)


Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You are a motherfucker, honey.  You have overcome so much in the past few years, and this week is your time to really shine.  You do it and keep us enthralled.

Your Grammy Twin:

Kesha (March 1, 1987)


Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You have been giving us a million reasons to keep following you on Instagram.  Keep up with the amazing content, babe.  You’re going to get a ton of likes this Thursday.

Your Grammy Twin:

Lady Gaga (March 28, 1986)

lady-gaga-03-grammys-red-carpet-2018-billboard-1548.jpgTaurus (April 20 – May 20)

Uh? Hi? Are you just coming out of the woodwork in someone’s life? Be careful you may be burned and then like, recede back into the great unknown.

Your Grammy Twin:

Debby Ryan (May 13, 1993)


Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You are a bit full of yourself this week.  You may want to take it down a notch. Otherwise, you may make some bitch famous. Yes, Taylor Swift.

Your Grammy Twin:

Kanye West (June 8, 1977)


Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Are you a bad liar? It may come and bite you in the butt.  It may get a little dicey, but I have faith that you can lie your way out of this.

Your Grammy Twin:

Selena Gomez (July 22, 1992)landscape-1499851098-selenagomez-pic.jpg

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You better be following your new rules.  If you aren’t, you will be yelled at severely by your friends this week.  I think you shouldn’t text your ex.  Just saying.

Your Grammy Twin:

Dua Lipa (August 22, 1995)unnamed.jpg

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Are you a single lady? If so, that could seriously change this week. Are you not a single lady? That could also seriously change.  Oof, that’s ominous.

Your Grammy Twin:

Beyoncé (September 4, 1981)beyonce-hero-487073444_copy.jpg

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You are a huge name this year, it won’t change. You have a lot of fans and that is pretty cool.  You may want to keep it from going to your head though.

Your Grammy Twin:

Cardi B (October 11, 1992 )cardi-b-fenty.jpg

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

That green light has come– you finally have it.  Get out there and thrash and dance around. It’s finally happening– go you.

Your Grammy Twin:

Lorde (November 7, 1996)lorde-site.jpg

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 19)

The sky is so blue for you.  Friday is going to be a fun day for you that has a lot of good things going on.  Make sure to thank the stars!

Your Grammy Twin:

Miley Cyrus (November 23, 1992)Petrusich-Miley-Cyrus-Creepy-Return-2.jpg

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You are the ringleader here.  You are really just bringing out the best in everyone this week.  You may not have everyone fawning over you, but you make bank.

Your Grammy Twin:

Ryan Seacrest (December 24, 1974)


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