Ferocious Feminists and the Stars: Horoscopes Week of 1/22

The stars were inspired by all of the feminists at the march this weekend.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You will tear down the patriarchy this week by whisking away stereotypes with an actual whisk like, from a kitchen.  Get it? Because like, women are stereotypically in the kitchen?

This Week’s Anthem:

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

This week, you are just going to be setting the world on fire, not literally though because that would be pretty bad.  You are just going to have a really good week full of ruling the world and just taking down all of your haters.

This Week’s Anthem:

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

It is time to tell that person off.  The stars are in your favor and Venus is really giving you some strength to take over.  You are going to feel so much better after you get this all done.  A huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

This Week’s Anthem:

 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

On Tuesday, someone will tell you that you can’t climb that tree in front of the library.  You know what you’re gonna do? You’re gonna climb it because you can do anything you set your mind to.

This Week’s Anthem:

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You are going to get your Rosie the Riveter on.  I mean like, you probably won’t do any literal riveting, but maybe you can do some metaphorical stuff.  I think the stars think you should really take up Rosie’s fashion for this week, but I like metaphorical riveting.

This Week’s Anthem:

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Someone is going to give you a feminist theory book and you’re going to say, “I’m not reading this.” You should just read it.  You may not agree with it but the stars think we should expand our minds and see the other side of the spectrum.

This Week’s Anthem:

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Everyday is a good day.  Wednesday will really try you though and you’re just going to need to get up and speak your mind.  Not everyone will always like you, but that doesn’t matter.  You just need to like you! Be who you wanna be! #BarbieGirl

This Week’s Anthem:

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Is that a bird? A plane? A brick? I think this means you need to get your eyes checked.  Don’t let this discourage you though– glasses are hecking cool! Maybe you should get a monocle…but get two.  That would be a look.

This Week’s Anthem:

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

It is time to make some moves.  The world is your oyster and you should not let anyone keep you down.  Monday will be fun for you professionally.  Whip out that pantsuit and get going.

This Week’s Anthem:

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You are on fire, hotter than hell, riding on a unicorn.  Life is going well and it will continue to go up.  Just don’t get too pompous.  Keep living your life and keeping it real.  You live to party, so bust your move.  That was a Jonas Brothers reference, btw.

This Week’s Anthem:

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 19)

You are going to topple the patriarchy by using a lot of coconut oil.  Honestly, that stuff is a life changer.  It makes you unstoppable.  This is how we achieve gender equality.  Just put coconut oil on everything.

This Week’s Anthem:

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A flying cat will come into your life as an omen.  I don’t really know what that means.  I think that it is a symbol or something.  Take that with a grain of salt.  I am not really sure what the stars mean with this…sorry!

This Week’s Anthem:

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