Look What You Made Us Do: Horoscopes Week of 1/8

We’re never concerned about our Reputation, but we’d like some more readers tbh.

IDK a Grammy sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Someone may tell you on Tuesday that they want to smack you.  Resist the urge to write a song about them.  If you do, it may be a hit, but you’ll also seem a bit petty.  You do you, Honey Boo Boo.

T. Swift Song: “Mean”



Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Wednesday will be a magical day for you, Aquarius.  You’ll meet a handsome stranger on a white horse.  Don’t freak out this person by saying you’re going to get married.  I honestly think that you should focus on your studies and not marriage right now.

T. Swift Song: “Love Story”


Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, you are really out for it this week.  Who the heck wronged you?! I am scared.  Our staff is currently hiding in the print shop from you.  Maybe drink some tea…a calming tea.  I don’t want to feel this wrath.

T. Swift Song: “Look What You Made Me Do”


Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Monday is going to be pretty stressful for you.  Did you know more heart attacks occur on Mondays? Sorry, that probably doesn’t help.  Go for a jog, do that bullet journal you started and know you’re not going to ever do, eat some cinnamon rolls. Chillax!

T.Swift Song: “22”

You can’t dance, okay?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Heyo Taurus, you need to dance a bit more.  Oh gosh, please stop it’s burning my eyes.  Okay, I am sorry I made you do that.  I think you should try out a Zumba class.  Your friends will thank you next time they see you at Mugz’s.

T. Swift Song: “Shake it Off”

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)taylor-swiftjpg-e1e936b564d61df7.jpgSome weather we’re having, huh? Thursday will be a sunny day for you, Gemini! Literally and figuratively, you will be basking in the sunshine.  Do what you want with that information.

T. Swift Song: “Sparks Fly”

You don’t deserve Taylor.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You do not deserve a horoscope because you suck.  I am sorry, but the stars said it not me.  They also say you’ll fall into a pit on Tuesday so I hope you’re wearing your crappy shoes.  Or your best shoes.  I don’t care.

T. Swift Song:  “I Did Something Bad”

Leo (July 23 – August 22)taylor-swift-behind-the-scenes-delicate-social.jpg
You probably know this, but you are expecting…a visitor.  Not a baby! WTF! I was going to suggest that you clean your home up a bit, but now I think I need to go buy a baby gift for you.  I am just gonna backwards step out of here.

T. Swift Song: “Delicate”

maxresdefault.jpgVirgo (August 23 – September 22)
Thursday is going to bring some magical insights into your future.  I would look out for those! They’ll probably wash up on a beach in a bottle or something romantic like that.  Make sure you have a whole film crew ready for your close-up.

T. Swift Song: “Enchanted”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)


You may be facing a tough decision, but it may just be if you want to switch to skim milk.  I will say follow your heart! If it says, “I hecking hate milk,” then you have your decision.  Just do what is best for you.

T. Swift Song: “Wildest Dreams”


Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)You’re living in the past again, aren’t you? Stop it! This week will bring some news of some kind and that’s a good thing I guess.  You’ll be a bit busy, but that isn’t such a bad thing sometimes.  Just keep goin’ for that success.

T. Swift Song: “Red”

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 19)

Oh shit.

Unapologetic you are, nice.  You may want to take it down a notch because someone is watching and this person is not really looking too happy.  I think something may come back and bite you.  News flash: it is Katy Perry.

T. Swift Song: “Bad Blood”

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