We’re never concerned about our Reputation, but we’d like some more readers tbh.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Someone may tell you on Tuesday that they want to smack you. Resist the urge to write a song about them. If you do, it may be a hit, but you’ll also seem a bit petty. You do you, Honey Boo Boo.
T. Swift Song: “Mean”
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Wednesday will be a magical day for you, Aquarius. You’ll meet a handsome stranger on a white horse. Don’t freak out this person by saying you’re going to get married. I honestly think that you should focus on your studies and not marriage right now.
T. Swift Song: “Love Story”
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, you are really out for it this week. Who the heck wronged you?! I am scared. Our staff is currently hiding in the print shop from you. Maybe drink some tea…a calming tea. I don’t want to feel this wrath.
T. Swift Song: “Look What You Made Me Do”
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Monday is going to be pretty stressful for you. Did you know more heart attacks occur on Mondays? Sorry, that probably doesn’t help. Go for a jog, do that bullet journal you started and know you’re not going to ever do, eat some cinnamon rolls. Chillax!
T.Swift Song: “22”
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Heyo Taurus, you need to dance a bit more. Oh gosh, please stop it’s burning my eyes. Okay, I am sorry I made you do that. I think you should try out a Zumba class. Your friends will thank you next time they see you at Mugz’s.
T. Swift Song: “Shake it Off”
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)Some weather we’re having, huh? Thursday will be a sunny day for you, Gemini! Literally and figuratively, you will be basking in the sunshine. Do what you want with that information.
T. Swift Song: “Sparks Fly”
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You do not deserve a horoscope because you suck. I am sorry, but the stars said it not me. They also say you’ll fall into a pit on Tuesday so I hope you’re wearing your crappy shoes. Or your best shoes. I don’t care.
T. Swift Song: “I Did Something Bad”
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You probably know this, but you are expecting…a visitor. Not a baby! WTF! I was going to suggest that you clean your home up a bit, but now I think I need to go buy a baby gift for you. I am just gonna backwards step out of here.
T. Swift Song: “Delicate”
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Thursday is going to bring some magical insights into your future. I would look out for those! They’ll probably wash up on a beach in a bottle or something romantic like that. Make sure you have a whole film crew ready for your close-up.
T. Swift Song: “Enchanted”
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You may be facing a tough decision, but it may just be if you want to switch to skim milk. I will say follow your heart! If it says, “I hecking hate milk,” then you have your decision. Just do what is best for you.
T. Swift Song: “Wildest Dreams”
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)You’re living in the past again, aren’t you? Stop it! This week will bring some news of some kind and that’s a good thing I guess. You’ll be a bit busy, but that isn’t such a bad thing sometimes. Just keep goin’ for that success.
T. Swift Song: “Red”
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 19)
Unapologetic you are, nice. You may want to take it down a notch because someone is watching and this person is not really looking too happy. I think something may come back and bite you. News flash: it is Katy Perry.
T. Swift Song: “Bad Blood”