Gushers: My Ultimate Act of Adolescence Rebellion

You know you want a pack of these gooey little pieces of heaven

By Hillary Bosch
Features & List Co-Editor

4th grade. Lunch period. I open my Monsters Inc. lunchbox hoping to find something sweet to fill the void of this 9 year old life… but no. It’s carrots and granola bars again—I sigh and think there must be more than this provincial life. I look down the table and see Jillian and Shelby laugh and flip their hair, and the sun shines off their faces as they unwrap their Gushers and Fruit by the Foot. They were goddesses, and the gummies their ambrosia and nectar to fill their lives with purpose and refined sugar.

Gushers were a fancy rare snack for me, only for those times when I cried in the grocery store and would not let go of the box. Now, as a well-adjusted (lol) twenty year old, I still think Gushers are the most amazing snack to grace the cereal and cracker aisle at Modern Market. Unlike chips or Cheetos, they leave no crumbs to clean up or eventually wipe onto the floor, and they only sometimes leave a residue on your fingers. Unlike granola bars, you do not have to bite into them and risk making awkward eye contact with a boy as you eat them on your way to class. Unlike a healthy snack like veggies or fruit, you can still get your sugar fill because, let’s face it, you’ve been addicted to sugar since 8th grade.

Nay. A pack of Gushers is small enough to fit in your sweatshirt pocket, easy to open, and easy to pop in your mouth whether you are on the move or sneaking them into that 8:30am you were stuck with this semester. They make you feel like you have something to look forward to when you open your pantry knowing that you have not been to the grocery store for at least five days. Plus, there are just enough in a pack so that you could share them if you wanted to but could also eat them by yourself without feeling guilty when you pass the gym. Also there are no bad flavors!! The strawberry packs have a generic sugar flavor, and the tropical packs taste like a fruit basket!

Honestly though, I think the reason I like Gushers so much is simply because I was not allowed to have them for so long. My friends always had Gushers at their houses, along with Poptarts (which were a huge nono), cheese puffs, and anything with “Little Debbie” on the box. So when we had sleepovers, naturally I would want them held at any house but mine, just so I could have one night away from the whole wheat hell of my pantry. No mom, dried fruit is not an appropriate dessert and neither is an apple.

Having Gushers now is not only an amazing morning/afternoon/night snack, but my own subtle form of rebellion against my health food upbringing. I had pretty strict parents, and since turning sixteen, I have already gotten a tattoo, lost my virginity, and renounced the Republican Party. I have been looking for a new way to prove my independence to the world and I found it—or did it find me?—in the form of heavily processed sugar goo with an unknown liquid in the middle. The ultimate act of rebellion: the Gusher.

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