Why wait until you’re engaged?? Follow these easy steps instead!
By Colleen Burns
For some people—and let me be clear, not all people—wedding dress shopping is a highly anticipated activity in the process of wedding planning. If you’re one of these people, you might find yourself watching too many episodes of Say Yes to the Dress or Four Weddings…man TLC knows what’s up. Even if you don’t obsess over these shows, society has programmed “finding the perfect dress” as a right of passage into the minds of little girls for centuries. But why wait until you’re engaged?! Here’s how to bypass the engagement all together and scam your way into wedding dress shopping:
Step 1: Have a back-story. The consultants will ask you who the bride is and take your name and phone number. It’s their job to talk wedding, so you best come up with something beforehand. My suggestion is to say you just got engaged last week and that this is your first time wedding dress shopping.
Step 2: KNOW your back-story. How did you and your fiancé meet? How long have you been together? Is the wedding this year? Next year? How big is the wedding? The consultants will most likely ask you a few of these questions. If you say you just got engaged last week, then you can bypass the wedding planning questions because it’s too early in the planning process to know. Duh.
Step 3: I’m serious every detail needs to be thought of…even the ring. The consultants see so many brides a day; it only makes sense to stare at your left hand. If you don’t have an engagement ring (I don’t know why you would), try to put some type of ring on your left ring finger. A claddagh ring with the heart turned in will certainly do. If they ask to see your ring, you can always say that it is being resized.
Step 4: Bring a literal posse. Wedding dress shopping by yourself won’t be as fun or as believable without best friends. Beware: you don’t want too big or too small of a group. Bring some close pals that don’t crack under pressure. Suggested size: two to three friends.
Step 5: Don’t go anywhere that you need an appointment. Don’t be that asshole who makes an appointment at a high-end wedding dress store. You do NOT want to waste someone’s time or commission. Instead, see if they have a sample store you can browse in. Suggested store if you’re in NYC: Kleinfeld’s sample store. It is right across the street from the main store!
Step 6: Dress for success, aka: look fancy and rich. You’re probably trying to look 24 or 25, so try to dress slightly more sophisticated. Think bridal, and maybe skip the crop top. You’re also trying to look like you have thousands of dollars to spend on a dress you wear once. So if you have any brands to show off, do it.
Step 7: Make it clear that you’re not buying anything from the beginning. Again, be considerate. You don’t want to waste someone else’s time and energy. You want to convince them that you’re a bride, but you don’t actually want to buy a dress. Say it’s your first time wedding dress shopping since you just got engaged. You’re overwhelmed with possibilities and just want to get a feel for the different types of dresses. This takes off a lot of pressure from the consultants to make a purchase, especially since you’re NOT actually buying a dress!
Step 8: Smile, laugh, and be a goddamn excited bride. This step is EXTREMELY important. You just got engaged last week! You are over the moon in love and happy! Act like it!
Step 9: Keep the convo flowing. This is where your friends come in. “I can totally picture you in a fitted mermaid gown!” “Do you like lace?” “What’s your budget?” This will help sell your story. You don’t want to just look at dresses and feel awkward while the consultants watch you.
Step 10: Ask the consultants a question. While you may want to avoid their watchful eyes, you don’t want to act suspicious. It’s actually better to engage (hahaha get it?) with them but not too much! Ask them one question, two questions tops! Then simply thank them for their help, and go back to hiding amongst the lace and tulle.
Step 11: Take a billion Snapchats. You want to remember this moment forever…since it is in fact your first time wedding dress shopping. Also you obvi want to share this experience with all your snap followers because we must continue to portray our fantastic, perfect lives on social media!
Step 12: Only try on dresses if Steps 1 – 10 are executed perfectly. This is a game time decision. If you feel comfortable trying on dresses, then I say go for it! However, if you feel super uncomfortable and awkward, then move on to Step 13! Also keep in mind that if you’re shopping in a sample store, the dresses will not fit most people because #societysucks!
Step 13: Plan an exit strategy. You never know what’s going to happen. Fake wedding dress shopping can be stressful. So plan an exit strategy in advance just in case you need to get the hell out of there. My suggestion: have a friend call the bride. She’ll fake answer the phone and make something up about why you have to leave. Thank the consultants. Then take more selfies outside the door.
If you follow these steps, I have no doubt that you can successfully scam your way into wedding dress shopping!