Dog Shows are Dumb, or Are They?

Exclusive interview with the winner.

 

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Farley, the News Editors dog because why not.

 

Claire Nunez
Opinions Co-Editor

Imagine if there was a convention of just dogs. Well, I mean there is; it’s called a dog show. People just don’t frequent dog shows anymore, but may­be they should. On February 14, one of the largest dog shows, the Westmin­ster Dog Show, had lots of little (and big) pups prancing around Piers 92 and 94, as well as Madison Square Garden (MSG). The Westminster Dog Show is one of the longest standing events in American dog show history. Since 1877, this great showing of fur and teeth has been a representa­tion of the best fur­balls in the nation.

Do you think your pup has what it takes? It is pretty difficult to get into showing if you ask me. First of all, your dog has to be an “American Ken­nel Club Purebred.” My friend has one of these and her dog has all these fancy certificates of authenticity. If your dog has these, you can take your furry friend to han­dling classes and, in a few years, you could make it to a big name show like Westminster. It is insanely difficult to get your dog to the top. The dogs at Westminster have years of experience and more disci­pline than I do on my best days. They are so obedient it is crazy. I can barely get my dog to come hang out with me, but these guys can do it all.

Who can even read 100 words on a dog show? – Claire

Picture being in a room with hundreds of these purebred dogs. There are so many dogs and classes that the show uses multiple Piers in Hell’s Kitchen and all four of MSG’s theaters for the stages. The Westminster Dog Show is known for having a “Meet the Breeds” event where lucky spectators can see where the magic happens backstage. These dogs have more done to their fur than I do with my hair on a daily basis. Handlers spend hours brushing and blow-drying their furry friends. If you are ever interested in seeing some dogs in action, you will probably want to stop by a Meet the Breeds one day. This year, the Westminster show featured its first ever cats edition of Meet the Breeds. There were hundreds of cat owners gathered to see the best and brightest felines in the nation, but don’t expect the Westminster to stray from tradition and start showing cats anytime soon.

As for the show itself, the best of the best were shown on Valentine’s Day night at MSG. In case you have never seen the Purina Dog Show after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, the dogs aren’t doing anything crazy out on stage. They are pretty much just being walked around in a large circle– I am pretty sure that this is to show the dog’s muscles or their fur or something. After this, the dogs are lined up and are forced to stand incredibly still. They are then all felt up for muscle mass or whatever, and their teeth are checked by professional dog people. I am not entirely sure on how one becomes a professional dog person, but you probably have to have a ton of training with the American Kennel Club or be a dog show veteran or something.This year, approximately 2,800 pups competed for the best in show crown, but only one got the big reward. Rumor, the five and a half-year-old German Shepherd, got the best treat there is. After facing a “ruff” and narrow defeat last year, Rumor came back to win it all and to run off with the prize. In an exclusive tell-all interview with the paper, Rumor speaks of her winnings.

Dog Show
Don’t worry, Rumor was paid in peanut butter for the interview.

 

  Claire (CN): So Rumor, how does it feel to win what is inarguably the biggest American dog show?
Rumor (R): Bark, bark, bark.
CN: I can’t even fathom winning something so huge, and you’re so humble about it! What is next for you?
R: Grrrrr…woof, woof.
CN: Wow! That’s uh, something.

Okay, I have to admit I do not know what that dog was saying. I do not speak dog, but Rumor seems to be pretty well spoken. She knows what’s up in the dog world.

Honestly, I have no idea who is still currently reading this article. Who can even read 100 words on a dog show? Do you know how difficult it is to write that many on dogs? It is a lot harder than it probably seems. Dog shows are really not that interesting. This article is so boring, just like dog shows. You can’t even play with them! WTF! If you are still reading this, I give you a lot of credit. This is one awful piece of writing. Please, just stop. I am going to stop writing now. No one cares this much about dog shows. Rumor won, that’s all you really need to know.

Editor’s Note: this article was definitely not an excuse for one of the news editors to put a picture of their dog in this issue… nope…

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