Dear God, If You Are a Merciful Being, Please Grant Us a Scanner

A ninth hour kneeling prayer from the paper’s Comix editor
by C Sarah Strafford
Comix Editor

We need your help sweet Jesus.
We need your help sweet Jesus.

I am certain I’m not the first (nor shall I be the last) person who complains about Fordham policy treating us like high schoolers. Yeah, we all bitch and moan about the sign-in policy – sorry to all of you trying to get it in – but there are plenty of other dumb rules that keep us in the eternal vortex of young adulthood.

I’ve been in the Catholic school system since the first grade and one thing hasn’t changed: they’re all cheap as fuck. Maybe it was wrong of me to assume a university with a $60,000 tuition would not be this way. I mean, don’t get me wrong – I’m happy a decent amount of that money does go to scholarship funds. What peeves me about this is that Fordham can build a million dollar gym, but then is too cheap to buy our print shop a new scanner or fund our website. It’s complete bullshit that an editor has to walk back to their dorm every time they need to scan something. But the paper is not the only Fordham organization that has this problem. Many others I have spoken to have also encountered this issue with the administration not giving them funds for essentials. It would be more understanding if we were asking for money to buy pizzas every weekend, but we’re asking for something that is essential to our production, something that’s not even that expensive. Yet administration has continued to give us a hard time at every turn – a tale which I know isn’t unique.
I would also like to point out the inequality of club funding. Political clubs receive drastically more funding then other academic clubs – such as Quizbowl or the paper.

Fordham also refused to fund our website, on the grounds that Forham does not allow clubs to run websites. As a result, one of our editors ended up paying for out of her own pocket. This archaic rule, left over from the early dawn of the Internet, is still in place. Having a website attached to an organization is a way of legitimizing the group and being able to run a website is also a useful skill in the job market. It seems quite odd that Fordham would not allow or fund a club website, something that is simply the norm in the 21st century.

Last but not least, Fordham will not publicly show films containing heavy usage of curse words. Because, you know, Fordham doesn’t want to spoil the virgin ears of its 18-22-year-old youths. I had thought it was ridiculous when my high school did this. It’s laughable and sad that my university is doing the same exact thing.

Really, Fordham? Really now – do I need to pull a Seth Myers and Amy Poehler on your ass? I know my parents don’t treat me like an adult, but I would not have expected the same from my university. Fordham, I know you’re a Catholic institution, but I was expecting you to treat me differently from the Catholic institutions I had already passed through.

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