Shower + Beer = Shower-Beer

A microcosm of the American college experience
Mike Fursa

Shower Beer
Undoubtedly, the American college experience has long been a subject that people have attempted to pigeonhole. Certainly, no one thing fills that hole quite like a 12-ounce can of beer enjoyed in the cathartic humidity of the shower. Alcohol permeates every aspect of American college life – its social culture, the pores of its students, and indeed the waterlogged tiles and moldy curtains of its four-by-four showers.

For those unfortunate enough to be unaware of the shower-beer’s awesome aura, it is exactly as the name suggests: a beer enjoyed in the comfort of the shower. A novel idea! It is truly a union more beautiful than Michelangelo could have ever portrayed in “The Creation of Adam.” Even Jesus’ transformation of water into wine seems quite bourgeois after our average shower has been magnified to Mardi Gras status with the addition of one simple beverage. It is said that there are those who kill two birds with one stone. There are others, though, who choose the higher path of killing sobriety and filth with one almighty shower-beer.

It does not take long for the average incoming freshman to find truth in the mantra “no moms, no rules.” As early as the first weekend away from the strict confines of home, college campuses are crawling with daddy’s little monsters who have stumbled upon the newfound freedom of inebriation. This freedom manifests itself fully with the echoing crack of your first shower-beer. You realize all the time you had been wasting in the shower all these years. Higher learning at its finest. How silly to merely clean your body while you should have been cleansing your soul with the sweet nectar of the shower-beer. The shower-beer is not an added bonus of the cleansing experience, mind you; it becomes, in fact, the main aspect of the shower.

On the subject of the shower-beer, Chad Lionsbro – a self-proclaimed shower beer expert – remarked, “Yeah, it’s pretty sick.” Lionsbro’s understatement on the awesomeness of the shower-beer is testament to the shower-beer’s demographic: cool people.

Whether it’s the agent of relaxation after a long day, a comfortable hangover cure, or the jumpstart to your pre-gaming activities the shower-beer has become a staple in the lives of functioning collegiate alcoholics across the country. If you have yet to join the shower-beer community, I have just one question for you: what the hell are you waiting for, nerd? (Note: refusal to partake in shower-beer culture does not necessarily make you a nerd. Cheers.)

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