Poll: Best Headline in My Hometown Newspaper

No joke, this is the first result of an image search for "Killingly Connecticut"

Having been tipped off that my next of kin received mention somewhere in its hallowed pages, I opened up a digital copy of my weekly hometown paper, the Killingly Villager. I could describe the town–its crowded schools, abandoned mills, and the Frito Lay plant that with the right breeze makes my house smell like chips–but nothing I could say would be able to top the headlines listed below for your consideration. Also, bear in mind that the Villager is the classier of my town’s papers, beating out The Reminder, a waste of paper whose Speak Out and more recent Teen Speak Out sections seem to exist only so that David Cross can read from them at comedy clubs, and make the Villager’s editorial page look like an Habermasian ideal of open communication in the public sphere. I’m guessing “The womb of eternity” will be the favorite here, but my vote is going for slow-burner “Rotary gives 300 dictionaries to local schools.”

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