Fear and Bloating in America

One thousand apologies for the Thompson headline…but this ridiculousness deserves no other title.

A war of the egos is brewing between your angry neighbor Sean Hannity and flaming ideologue Keith Olbermann that has finally spilled over into a fifth dimension of absurdity.  Hannity, who knows America can do no wrong, moronically agreed to undergo waterboarding after being antagonized to do so by actor Charles Grodin, whom I’ve never heard of.  Hannity announced he would undergo waterboarding for charity, heroically proclaiming, if you will, to do it for “the troops’ families,” because there’s nothing more heartwarming to a grieving mother than seeing a bloated and confused man have water forced down his neck.

Keith Olbermann, anxious for a crusade, then called on Hannity to keep his word, offering to pay $1000 for every second Hannity is waterboarded.  Olbermann hopes Hannity will be transformed by the experience, that the torture will make the commentator see the grave severity of waterboarding.  While I agree Hannity could be changed by this experience, I am disgusted by Olbermann’s willingness to take part in this circus of stupidity.

I just…wow…this is just spectacular.  Though there is nothing I would rather see more than Sean Hannity eating (drinking?) the metaphorical shit (urine?)

Their heads are shaved for a reason.
Their heads are shaved for a reason.

he has spewed for so many years…the thought of Keith Olbermann triumphant makes me queasy.  And what a way to tackle the complex and important issue of torture, (or, as our more “patriotic” peers would say, “enhanced interrogation”) turning it into a charade on national television.  I mean…why not give Sean Hannity the satisfaction of smugly saying into the camera “I’ve been waterboarded!  It’s not that bad!  It’s actually too good for  America’s enemies.”  Yes, that way Hannity can go on to advocate a more severe form of “enhanced interrogation.”  Hmmm…I’m thinking…the scarab beatle coffin from The Mummy?

I can see it now…waterboarding becoming the next dunk-tank at charity events and cookouts.  “Enhanced fundraising techniques,” they’ll say.  “Terror Dunk,” kid’s will shout.

I can’t wait until it’s my turn to go one-on-one with Hannity…that way I’ll challenge him to undergo gay marriage…his partner?  Why not Keith Olbermann.  Their honeymoon will be in the jungles of the Amazon.  They will not return.

Anyways, chances are this crap will just blow over and Hannity wont go through with it.  Until next time, zipidedoo!

your pal,

Rolly Donagan.

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