More Room for the Naked Cowboy to Roam??

Oh give me a home/where the buffalo roam/where the deer and the antelope play

Packed in like a sardine
Packed in like a sardine

Either Bloomberg is off his rocker, or he just wants more street space for his rocker.

Remember way back circa last summer when the first intimations of Bloomberg’s plan to fix NYC traffic problems made themselves known with the deletion of two lanes and the addition of an awkwardly placed pedestrian hazard in Times square? Well apparently Bloomberg hasn’t even started yet. He wants—and is very close to getting the thumbs up for—the entire annihilation of Times Square traffic. How will he do this, you ask? He’ll take out the roads, by jove! Why, without roads, them auto-ve-hi-cules caint stand a chance!

This is real life. Yes, it will be like this forever. No, it’s not just the medicine. Times Square will be a sandbox. Somebody call up Brian Wilson and tell him he can finally write another hit album without having to be hermetic—because it’s elementary school recess in the fuckin middle of New York City.

Before and After.  Welcome to Urf.
Before and After. Welcome to Urf.

I shouldn’t say sandbox. Gravel. They will fill the area with small pebbles. But you get the point. “The centerpiece of the mayor’s plan calls for shutting down Broadway to vehicles from 47th St. to 42nd St in Times Square…35th to 33rd in Herald square. In those blocks, large new plazas would be created, with a gravelly surface and movable chairs and tables with umbrellas. Crosstown traffic would continue to cross B’way in both areas…”

If the plan succeeds, officials plan to duplicate it in other busy areas, “including 23rd street and Union Square.”

Here’s the kicker. This is what’s going to make this fantastical plan work like magic rainbow beams shot from cute kitty bums: The green light at B’way and 34th would be lengthened from 32 to 53 seconds, at 7th Ave in Times Square from 45 to 54 seconds…and so on.

I’m skeptical. I personally hate everything about Times Square; just being there makes me want to make popsicles out of my own urine, eat it, then piss it out again on the Toys R Us Ferris Wheel. But I can’t ignore the allure most tourists and NYC noobs find of the lights and minor accidents and near-riot atmosphere.

Do people think:

A) This will alleviate traffic problems?

B) Less traffic in Times Square is a good thing?

C) This really has nothing to do with traffic?

Check out the New York Times for the full article.


One thought

  1. I saw this in the NYTimes, and the only thing I could think was, What does Bloomberg think this is… Europe? Seriously, an outdoor pebble cafe- what?

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