Attached to this post a clip from Little Ashes, a new biopic about Salvador Dali that will probably end up being the darling of this year’s Oscars, because everybody knows the only movies the Academy likes are shitty dramatizations of dead famous people’s lives. Dali is being played by that Robert Patterson from Twilight, the movie that is responsible for the small tumor currently lodged between my Occipital and Parietal lobes. I suppose this casting decision was appropriate, as both Patterson and Dali are incapable of changing their facial expressions, though Patterson’s seems to scream “flaming doucebag,” while Dali’s patiently announces “thoroughly misunderstood.”
People, why must we let these things happen? I swear to Jesus if the disgusting amount of attention this Patterson character gets from fourteen year old members of the cult of Twilight lands him a professional movie career with frequent film roles, I may just have to expatriate. If only the director had decided to have Dali played by six different actors in order to artistically touch upon Dali’s growth as an artist and folk hero. Pretty sweet idea, huh? No? No? Oh that’s right, that idea sucks.
Next up, Groucho Marx played simultaneously by Tracy Morgan and Matt Damon! The catch? They’re attached at the waist!