A group of midwestern families expecting to see a wholesome matinee showing of High School Musical 3, were exposed to the opening sequence of the lurid Superbad ripoff Sex Drive instead. Scores of moms were reported bleeding from the eyes and one child’s head exploded when the word “SEX” came on the screen, others began involuntarily masturbating wildly. Four good Christian families were trampled to death in the rush for the exits.
Once outside of the theater the Disney loving clans found they were no better off outside the theaters as billboards everywhere were using that horrible word… “SEX” to sell things. The dark sky roiled with the Lords divine wrath as families were transformed from God-fearing nuclear units to murderous sex freaks, turning over cars and participating in despicable sex acts at the Ruby Tuesday’s next door. “I’ve never seen fried zuchinni sticks used in such a deplorable manner,” said one regular Joe enjoying a Ruby Tuesday’s finger lickin’ sampler.
Scientists are now saying that this example is conclusive proof that regular exposure to the visage of Zach Efron is necessary to destroy any and all sexual impulses.
Read the real (and quite possibly just as absurd story) here.