Welcome to the stink…

 

Sweet, Sweet Homo-erotic Release.
Sweet, Sweet Homo-erotic Release.

Well children, the middle of the term is upon us again. These awful adderall nights and espresso days that just keep rolling over us like a never ending blitzkrieg of papers and exams. I myself am procrastinating right now, though the only substance in my body is Rock Star Pomegranate and a hateful, coffee-black bile in my guts for my Spanish midterm tomorrow. I am no good at Spanish, and I have a feeling that I may be the weak buffalo the wolves pick to thin the herd. But this, ladies and gentlemen, is not a forum for my troubles, heavens no, this is an opportunity for you to escape. This is an opportunity for you to reflect on the monstrous upheaval of the weekend, perfectly timed to celebrate the monstrous upheaval of Columbus’s discovery of the New World. While certainly today it looks like the New World may be coming to a grimy, terrible end, stocks are crashing, banks are failing and the civilized world is waiting with baited breath to see if we still have electricity a year from now, we turn to the one thing that can always tear us away from our troubles and mandatory schoolwork; sports.

 

For those of you who have not heard (I assume those of you that don’t care didn’t bother to click “more”) the past weekend was the biggest football clusterfuck seen since William Webb Ellis picked up a soccer ball and ran with it.

The mighty looking Giants just fell to the lowly Browns 35-14, Derek Anderson showed up to do work, and he certainly did it, and Eli Manning showed the paying public why nobody took him seriously as a quarterback last year. Great defense can win games, but shitty offense can also lose them. While Anderson threw for 310 yards and two touchdowns, while Eli managed 196, 1 TD and 3 INTs. Certainly the G-Men redeemed themselves in the postseason last year, but Eli led the league in picks then, and showed us he may be making another run at that top spot.

 

That means you, Eli.
That means you, Eli.

Prior to that, the suddenly good Arizona Cardinals dusted the suddenly not so good Dallas Cowboys in Phoenix, 30-24. Romo had a good day, at least on paper, but the Cowboy’s couldn’t get it done and a blocked punt in OT lead the Cards to 4-2 and the top of the otherwise laughable NFC West.
Speaking of the laughable NFC West, the St. Louis Rams notched their first win in a big upset against the Washington Redskins on a last second field goal. The Rams, who were (and still are) the bottom-feeders of the NFL knocked off a surprisingly good looking Redskins who were coming off four big wins against New Orleans, Arizona, Dallas and Philly. Despite the loss, Redskins QB Jason Campbell is still the only quarterback in the league with nothing in his INT column, something which has doubtlessly helped the ‘Skins move into second in the tough-as-nails NFC East.

 

Now for less detail;
Falcons knocked off the Bears late, proving that Matt “Matty Light” Ryan was a great choice in Atlanta, as the Falcons have in Week 6 earned as many wins as in Year 2007.

The San Diego Chargers made a statement by utterly demoralizing the New England Patriots 30-10 (see picture in previous post), and Phillip Rivers (my Fantasy QB) threw for 306 yards, 3 TDs and no picks. Rivers is at the top of the QB rankings chart right now, and is one of the main reasons the Chargers are still competitive despite the less than stellar performance of future Hall-of-Fame running back LaDanian Tomlinson.

My Packers kicked out the Seahawks, Rodgers looked good but the Seahawks looked real bad, meaningless except that it keeps the Pack tied for 1st in the NFC North.

The Bucs demolished the previously top-notch Carolina Panthers 27-3 behind Pro-Bowler Jeff Garcia, whom Jon Gruden had benched after a disappointing pre-season. Jon Gruden was wrong. Jeff Garcia is the man. He was the man in San Fran, he was the man in Philly, he’s the man in Tampa.

That’s most of the news, as for the rest, look it up on your own time, I have work to do.

Buenos Noches,

-Sam.

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